by Al InCognito

Ah, Senator Lisa Murkowski.  We thought you were a work of art.

Turns out you’re just a piece of … work.

Murkowski, from the great and ghostly state of Alaska, has built a career on being the Republican who almost says no. She agonizes. She winces. She sometimes even sighs. And then she votes yes. If Susan Collins furrows, Lisa Murkowski gazes — stoically, beautifully, into the Arctic distance, hoping someone else will do the hard part.

Some senators break ranks. Lisa files emotional support briefs. She’s the only lawmaker who votes against her conscience then writes a press release apologizing for it.

I once mistook her spine for steel. Turns out it was more of a decorative pipe cleaner. Somewhere between Anchorage and appeasement, Moanin’ Lisa left her conscience on ice.

I listened as the senator tearfully explained why she voted for the Big Beautiful Bill she clearly despised. The bill that legal scholars, civil libertarians, and even a few houseplants agree would turn America into a cheery little autocracy with surveillance apps, prayer mandates and lots and lots of people without healthcare.

“I regret voting for it,” she said. “I was hoping the House would defeat it.”

Ah, yes, the legislative equivalent of “I didn’t want to hit the fire alarm. I was just curious what would happen.”

And so, with apologies to Nat King Cole and anyone who still believes in representation, I found myself humming. Something familiar. Something tragic. And then it hit me.

🎶 Moanin’ Lisa 🎶
(to the tune of “Mona Lisa”)

Moanin’ Lisa, Moanin’ Lisa, we adored you?
Your mystic smile meant we’d never have to pout.
But you moaned while casting “yes” votes, hoping no one
Would remember how you coldly sold us out.

Did you pray for House Republicans to block it?
Was your vote just cover for your heart of doubt?
Many hopes were brought to your committee
But they just lie there, and they die there.

Are you brave? Are you firm, Moanin’ Lisa?
Or just a quiet cog who never stands apart?

(Instrumental break — played on a single, icy cello in a wind tunnel)

Moanin’ Lisa, do you ache for moderation?
Or was that just branding on your fundraising mail?
Many truths were left outside your chamber
But you bowed and let them fail

Are you bold? Are you real, Moanin’ Lisa?
Or just a cold and lonely ‘laskan work of art?

I don’t mean to be unkind. I’ve admired Murkowski at times. She bucked Trump. She survived a write-in campaign where spelling counted. She once did the unthinkable and wore something besides red on Fox News.

But there’s a difference between being independent and being indecisive.

This latest stunt — voting for a bill she hoped others would kill — is like handing the arsonist a match and whispering, “I sure hope someone hides the gasoline.”

Senators used to fight for amendments. Now they fight for alibis. “I only voted for it because it had some good parts,” Murkowski explained. Sure. And Titanic had a nice orchestra.

What we’re watching isn’t governance. It’s performance art — a series of gestures meant to reassure voters that the senator feels terribly conflicted about destroying healthcare for millions. A tear here, a raised eyebrow there, and maybe a town hall where she explains that the hand that pushed the button was tired.

But history doesn’t care how conflicted you looked. It only remembers what you did.

And so we’re left with this:

Many dreams have crashed upon your shoreline
You just watched them drift and part.
Are you warm? Are you real, Moanin’ Lisa?
Or just Alaska’s frozen version of a heart?

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AL INCOGNITO is the pseudonym of a columnist currently broadcasting from the political tundra, where spines go to hibernate.  Subscribe to Moan & Groan Quarterly for more frozen dispatches from the edge.

(Illustration by ChatGPT 4.0)