Illustration by ChatGPT Pro

By Al Incognito, Minister of Truth (and Satire)

I apologize for oversleeping Monday and missing the celebration of President Trump’s second first 100 days in office. I don’t like round numbers anyway.  I prefer to celebrate the odd ones, like today, day 101 of the sequel most of us hadn’t bargained for.  Sort of has a Cruella DeVille feel to it, which is fitting for the accomplishments of current administration.

So take a look all these puppies proffered by Trump World so far and see if you can determine which will hunt, which are sorta true and which are as truthful as Trump is.

In his first 101 days, Trump has:

1. Renamed the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America.

2. Banned the penny and closed the Lincoln bedroom.

3. Declared “Missionary Position” his preferred diplomatic strategy.

4. Bought a Tesla even after it had been rebranded “the Swasticar.”

5. Ended the War on Christmas his first day in office.

6. Removed Jackie Robinson from the Department of Defense website.

7. Suggested the Cleveland Browns draft Shedeur Sanders in return for Republican financing of a new stadium.

8. Replaced the scientists at NOAA with Sharpies.

9. Said children will have to only get two dolls each this Christmas. But if they are both Kens, you may be subject to deportation.

10. Blamed DEI for the D.C. plane crash.

11. Proposed putting Stormy Daniels on the 69-cent stamp.

12. Claimed the founding fathers would’ve voted for him — “especially Jefferson, because of the France thing.”

13. Reduced Al’s Required Minimum Distribution by shrinking his 401(k).

14. Made Joe Biden seem spry by falling asleep at the Pope’s funeral.

15. Renamed the Mexican Hat Dance the MAGA Two-Step..

16. Proposed turning war-torn Gaza into a resort for the rich.

17. Declared it fake news that he copyrighted the term “fake news.”

18. Did not rule out Lindsay Graham’s suggestion that he should be a candidate for pope.

19. Told Congress he wanted to build a “Freedom Wall” along the Canadian border to keep Americans from leaving.

20. Hawked Trump sneakers, Bibles and meme coins.

21. Declared Juneteenth as the “Woke Fourth of July.”

22. Proposed $5,000 each to families for new babies; $10,000 if it’s his.

23. Said he would take a vaccine to prevent himself from talking like Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

24. Created the Department of Patriotic Math to count only the votes he likes.

25. Made major campaign contribution to Liberal Party Prime Minister in Canada.

26. Proposed a White House hot tub. Called it “the Situation Room, after hours.

27. Made homes in Palm Springs cheaper by scaring Canadians into leaving.

28. Said he knew nothing about Project 2025.  Hired the author of Project 2025 to run the Office of Budget Management. But still hasn’t read document. Just signs its passages as executive orders.

29. Inspired a new take on an old joke: A Russian spy, a rapist and a convicted felon walk into a bar.  Bartenders says, “Hello, Mr. President.”

30. Blamed Hillary Clinton for Pete Hegseth’s Signal chat.

31. Fired 280,000 federal workers, then had to rehire many of them.

32. Made people feel sorry for the IRS.

33. Proved that it only takes one Trump to screw in a light bulb.  He just stands in the middle of the room and the rest of the world revolves around him.

34. Declared war on windmills. Called them “bird blenders with cancer rays.”

35. Apologized to the Blowfish after ordering an attack on the Houthis.

36. Demanded Apple replace Siri with a version that sounds like Sean Hannity.

37. Won his golf championship after the other guy dropped out.

38. Pardoned everyone who pooped in Nancy Pelosi’s office.

39. Made America Safe Again by deporting a 4-year-old cancer patient.

40. Renamed a Senate dining room dish “Turtle Soup” in Mitch McConnell’s honor

41. Proposed tariffs on papal indulgences.

42. Canceled Lawrence Welk’s appearance at the Kennedy Center after learning the bandleader is dead.

43. Showed skeptics at pope’s funeral that he does indeed sleep next to Melania.

44. Cut veterans’ benefits while saying “no one loves them more.”

45. Replaced diversity training with mandatory Bible study. Leviticus now counts as HR compliance.

46. Inspired “New Rule” by Bill Maher: Trump’s not as crazy as I am for having dinner with him.

47. Replaced the Associated Press at White House briefings with Marjorie Taylor Greene’s boyfriend.

48. Replaced Air Force One’s safety manual with a copy of The Art of the Deal.

49. Made Progressives applaud the Dallas Cowboys for not visiting the White House for three decades.

50. Banned transgender people from the military. Apparently  they “don’t fit the vibe” of his new Space Force dress code.

51. Encouraged Chuck Schumer to show America how to lead from behind.

52. Improved the economy by boosting alcohol sales — especially at the Department of Defense.

53. Refused to rule out deportation for anyone who attacked a Tesla.

54. Suggested renaming the Virgin Islands. Said they “needed to grow up.”

55. Placed tariffs on all penguin merch.

56. Issued executive order to remove “Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s Wife” from the Ten Commandments.

57. Declared English the official language of the United States — finally ending centuries of confusion at Waffle House.

58. Tried to trademark “God Bless America.”

59. Threatened to cancel his Amazon account if Jeff Bezos revealed how much tariffs were costing customers.

60. Suggested the moon landing was fake but promised to land there himself in 2028 — “and make it great again.”

61. Said he’d have done better at the Last Supper — “less bread, more branding.”

62. Proposed a $100 million military parade for his 79th birthday, prompting Congressman Steve Cohen to introduce legislation aimed at preventing taxpayer dollars from funding presidential birthdays.

63. Forced Japanese tourists to surrender their iPhone cameras.

64. Ordered all truck drivers to pass an English literacy test, which could create real problems in Kentucky, Tennessee and Mississippi.

65. Declared sainthood for himself. Said he had “two miracles — the ratings and the recount.”

66. Proposed banning abortion pills, drag queens, and rainbow-colored Skittles. Claimed “they’re all part of the same agenda.”

67. Suspended all aid to countries with too many vowels.

68. Commissioned a new Bible, with pictures.

69. Signed an executive order titled “Keeping Men Out of Women’s Sports,” because, well, you know there are almost a dozen transgender athletes in the NCAA.

70. Put tariffs on Girl Scout cookies. “Except the thin mints.  I love the thin mints.”

71. Reclassified Mickey Mouse and other Disney characters as terrorists.

72. Declared that there are only two kinds of gender reveals – pink and blue, no rainbow.

73. Demanded NATO fight crime in Chicago.

74. Claimed to have a trade agreement with Narnia.

75. Declared the his second first 100 days the greatest by any president.

Okay, like Trump, I lied. I haven’t got 101 one-liners yet, but maybe you can help me fill out the list.