We Don’t Need a Big, Beautiful Bill, We Need a …
















By Al InCognito, Touring With Truth





Donald Trump is in full karaoke meltdown mode. In a late-night Truth Social rant, he called for investigations into Bruce Springsteen, Oprah Winfrey, and Beyoncé for the crime of supporting Kamala Harris. Because in Trump’s America, freedom of expression only applies if it’s shouted over a Kid Rock guitar solo.





And poor Bruce. All the man did was release a live EP — Land of Hope and Dreams — featuring a few lines of truth: calling Trump’s last administration “corrupt, incompetent, and treasonous.” That was enough to send the president into full meme mode, reposting a video of himself golfing a ball into Springsteen’s head.





Naturally, I responded with a parody, Weird Al InCognito style … because when Trump rewrites history, we rewrite the soundtrack.





Born in the USA (Big Beautiful Remix)





Lyrics by Al InCognito — with apologies to The Real Boss





Born in a tower, gold-plated and tall





Daddy bought the building; I just named it all





Got a bone spur letter, dodged that war





Still say I’m tougher than a two-dollar whore, now …





Chorus





I was born in the USA





Born in the USA





I was born in the USA





A trust fund baby with a spray tan, hey!





Second verse





Went to a rally screamin’  ‘lock her up!’





Sold some sneakers, blessed a Bible cup





Had a MAGA hat made in Mexico





But I fired the staff when ICE said hello





Chorus





I was born in the USA





Born in the USA





I was born in the USA





On a golf cart made in Shanghai, hey¡





Third verse





Back in D.C., with revenge in my eyes





Fightin’ a Constitution full of liberal lies





Got golf-course cronies and beefs to disperse





And a jukebox that loops one Greenwood verse





Chorus





I say, God Bless the  USA





Don’t take my Big Mac away





God bless  the USA





Loyalty to Putin is the only way





Trump’s playlist may be heavy on Lee Greenwood and light on irony, but he’s also got the king of cultural grievance: Kid Rock (facing his own ICE issues, allegedly) and whatever country star agrees to play at the “Freedom Sausage Jamboree.”





But we don’t need another Big Beautiful Bill, Big Beautiful Parade, or Big Beautiful Border Wall.





We need a Big, Beautiful Bruce.





Someone who reminds us that patriotism isn’t about singing loud – it’s about standing up. That freedom isn’t a brand. And that no matter how many hats get sold or how many golf balls get “accidentally” launched at critics, the true anthem of this country isn’t written in slogans.





It’s written in sweat, guitars and the truth. ChatGPT 4.0 contributed to this column and produced the illustration





ChatGPT 4.0 contributed to this column and produced the illustration.






	


	


	
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Mr. Write Coach


		

			Stuart Warner can help you become a better writer.  Warner has developed a national reputation as an editor and journalism teacher.  He has written or edited three Pulitzer Prize-winning entries and edited three other Pulitzer finalists As the writing coach at The Plain Dealer in Cleveland,  he edited stories than won more than 50 national awards.

Currently, Warner teaches journalism at Case Western Reserve University and is a regular contributor to AOL.com. He has been honored numerous times for his own writing. He has also been invited to speak on writing at the Nieman narrative conference at Harvard, the Let’s Do It Better conference at Columbia University,  the National Writers Workshop sponsored by the Poynter Institute, the IRE’s national Computer Assisted Reporting workshop and at Capitolbeat, the national seminar for state government reporters.

He has also worked with the writers at a number of companies, including Politifact, Key Bank, Signal Cleveland, the Akron Beacon Journal, Cleveland Jewish News, Akron General Hospital and also taught at Cleveland State University.			
		


	




	







	
	
		

		
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