The Escalator’s Broken but the Show Still Goes On

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By Stuart Warner and Al InCognito

The news sounds more like a carnival these days, so with apologies to Neil Diamond,’s “Brother Love’s Travelin’ Salvation Show,” let’s all sing along to …

Dr. Trump’s Travelin’ Epstein Sideshow

Hot September night, the lights hanging down,
Reporters all circling, like dogs for a treat.

The Big Top flaps by the edge of town,
Grooving to the bop of Kid Rock’s beat.

Step right in where the spotlights glow,
Welcome to Dr. Trump’s Epstein Sideshow.

It’s Trump, Dr. Trump, say —
Dr. Trump’s Travelin’ Epstein Sideshow (it’s now my party),
Pick up the babies and grab the young ladies,
And everyone goes — ‘cause everyone knows Dr. Trump’s show.

The room gets suddenly still and when you’d almost bet
You could hear yourself sweat, he walks in.
The escalator’s broke, but he still takes the mic,
“Don’t take a-seat-a-min-uh-foin,” he cries.
“Trust me instead, though I can’t spell why.
Skip the safe pill, try bleach or the worm paste.”
Epstein’s ghost nods — “fear has no taste.”

Every ear in the place is on him,
Starting soft and slow like a small earthquake.
And when he lets go, half the Congress shakes.

It’s Trump, Dr. Trump say —
Dr. Trump’s Travelin’ Epstein Sideshow (it’s still my party),
Pick up the babies and grab the young ladies,
And everyone goes …

He thundered at Kimmel, “You’re finished, you’re through!”
But the ratings shot higher — a punchline or two.
And back of the tent, where the dark truths reside,
Epstein still whispers — “enjoy the ride.”

The crowd chants louder, the spotlight’s bright,
But the shadows rule the darker night.
It’s Trump, Dr. Trump say,
Dr. Trump’s Travelin’ Epstein Sideshow.

Chorus (call-and-response)
Hallelujah, brothers (halle-hallelujah),
Reach out your hands (for the contribution jar).
Hallelujah, brothers (halle-hallelujah),
Epstein’s still there, though they sayi he’s afar.

Finale
Take my hand in yours, walk with me this day,
But don’t check the logs or the names, just pray.
In my heart I know, we will never stray,
‘Cause the tent stays packed till the lies decay.

It’s Trump, Dr. Trump, say —
Dr. Trump’s Travelin’ Epstein Sideshow!

(ChatGPT-5 contributed to writing and editing of these parody lyrics and produced the illustration.)

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Mr. Write Coach

Stuart Warner can help you become a better writer. Warner has developed a national reputation as an editor and journalism teacher. He has written or edited three Pulitzer Prize-winning entries and edited three other Pulitzer finalists As the writing coach at The Plain Dealer in Cleveland, he edited stories than won more than 50 national awards. Currently, Warner teaches journalism at Case Western Reserve University and is a regular contributor to AOL.com. He has been honored numerous times for his own writing. He has also been invited to speak on writing at the Nieman narrative conference at Harvard, the Let’s Do It Better conference at Columbia University, the National Writers Workshop sponsored by the Poynter Institute, the IRE’s national Computer Assisted Reporting workshop and at Capitolbeat, the national seminar for state government reporters. He has also worked with the writers at a number of companies, including Politifact, Key Bank, Signal Cleveland, the Akron Beacon Journal, Cleveland Jewish News, Akron General Hospital and also taught at Cleveland State University.

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